The Magic 8 Ball on North Korea.

Posted By: Average American
Posted on: Oct. 12, 2006 at 11:51 PM

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I sat here tonight with my Magic 8 Ball and went through a series of questions that I have heard the pundants push all over the T.V. and radio this week. Here are excerpts from that very riveting inverview.

8ball M8B. Call me 8 Ball.

AA. Ok. 8 Ball I would like to talk to you about the current situation regarding North Korea and its testing of nuclear devices. Do you believe that the North Korean Government really exploded a nuclear explosive?

8 Ball. Before we get into that too deeply I'd like to take a moment and say hello to a friend I have in hospital at the moment.

AA. Of course

8 Ball. Ouija Board old buddy, you hang in there. I see your future is "good". I was called late last night to fill in for this interview. My good friend Ouija Board was at a New Age Church in Peoria last night to talk on the dark side when all of a sudden someone claimed they were offended by his Godlessness and threw him into the street where he was ran over by a Metro Bus with three people on it, because you know, there are never more than three on one of those damn street clogs.

Oboard AA. Yes, we recieved word late last night that you would be fillin gin but were not given a reason as to why. That is aweful. You said you see his future is good?

8 Ball. Actually now I read "ask again later", so we are hoping for a good outcome. Guess we will know more after the interview.

AA. Back to the questions. Do you believe the North Koreans really tested a Nuke?

8 Ball. I say, "answer not so clear". Could be the radiation has blocked my reading of Mr. Il's future.

AA. Well, if they did, do you think they have intentions of trying to provoke America into war?

8 Ball. (Shakes vigorously) "It is possible". I say this because the leader of North Korea has been bend from the day he got into office upon the death of his father to wage a war and be seen as a war Dictator.

AA. Ok. Do you think Kim Il would be offering any technology to the Iranians of they came calling?

8 Ball. I would have to say (shakes vigorously) "My sources say no".

AA. Really?

8 Ball. That's what I am getting. Wait, it is getting clearer. Oh, that makes sense. The reason I got a no is because they have already shared the information with Iran. You asked a future question and it happened in the past.

AA. Well that does make sense doesn't it?

8 Ball. (shakes vigously again)

AA. Sorry 8 Ball, that wasn't actually a question.

8 Ball. (Stops shaking, looks a little perterb)

AA. Let's move on. Currently, how many nukes can we, with any real certainty, expect North Korea to have?

8 Ball. I don't do numbers.

AA. Crap, I forgot.

8 Ball. It's ok, happens all the time. Ouija does numbers sometimes, you might save that for him when he gets released.

AA. Good idea. Well in the little time we have left I would like to ask one more question if I may?

8 Ball. (Shakes only slighty) Yes.

AA. Should the U.S. expect China to step up the plate and deal directly with North Korea considering their longterm relationship and financial and military ties?

8 Ball. (Nearly shakes himself off the table) "Without a Doubt". China does not want the U.S. to anchor ships off its coast for an extended period of time. They have had many back room meetings about it, and I got that straight from the Tea Leaves.

AA. Well I am not sure how anyone could offer up an arguement to that statement considering how quick you were to openly name your source. Is there anything else you would like us to know before you move on the Leno show?

8 Ball. Yes. I will be on sale at Target and Toys R Us this year for the 23 year in a row, that's a record for store sale placement just for the record, just in time for Christmas.

AA. Well thank you 8 Ball for coming in on such short notice and we certainly wish Ouija all the best.

8 Ball. "My sources say No". Not sure where that come from. Thanks for having me.

AA. That's it for this interview. Join us next week when we will have our roundtable of Proud Liberal, Indie, MIC, Phaedrus and myself back to discuss the Democrats failure to gain so much as one seat in the upcoming November election. Ooops, 8 Ball, I think I gave away that little bit of info you gave me off the record.

But what would I know; (audience rises to their feet and yells in unison) I'm just an Average American.

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Comments:

indie616

Oct. 13, 2006 at 08:18:30 AM

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Why didn't Ouija board see the future and stay out of that church?

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Pinb@ll Wiz@rd

Oct. 13, 2006 at 09:50:19 AM

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Indie, I'm guessing no one ever asked about Ouiji board's future so he never knew. Poor fella.

AA, I wish my magic 8 Ball was that 'insightful.'

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Average American

Oct. 13, 2006 at 05:57:44 PM

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You know the answers to questions such as those might be better directed towards other mediums of foretelling thought. erhaps ask Nancy Pelosi, she seems to know the future all ready...

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indie616

Oct. 13, 2006 at 06:17:35 PM

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Or Cheney: We will be greeted as liberators.
Or Wolfowiz: Iraqi oil will pay for the reconstruction
Or Rumsfeld: The war will last less than 6 months.
Or Rice: No one could have predicted planes would fly into buildings.

Wrong
Wrong
Wrong
Wrong

Foreign policy by 8 ball is not a good idea. Unless you are talking about putting the country BEHIND the 8 ball.

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Average American

Oct. 13, 2006 at 09:30:15 PM

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Indie,

Have you seen the new commercials for Iraq where the Northern Iraqis are thanking us for our intervention in their senceless deaths. They sign it at the end, "Thank you, from the rest of Iraq". There we were greeted as liberators.

Once Iraqs government is stable and the terrorists stop blowing up the pipe lines, Iraqi oil will in deed pay for Iraqs reconstruction cost, at least internally.

The war did last less than 6 months. You yourself have called this phase the occupation.

No one could have anticipated exactly when and where the planes would crash into buildings, and you know that if Bush would have acted upon that intellegence, which did not give exact dates and or times or airlines or even a for sure location, the liberals (which as I understand it you were not yet a part of at that time so I am not using you in this part of my statement) would have cried fowl and said that Bush was being paranoid.

Right

And I'll give you a tie on this one.

We are not behind the 8 ball, unless you consider that 8 ball which we have been placed behind due to constant harping from the left for a full pullout. WE can not leave a job half done, and I agree the we can not continue doing a half ass job of it. It is time to allow our military to do what it was designed to do, kill people and break things. Among those things needing to be broken is the terrorist will to continue in the fight.

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Phaedrus

Oct. 13, 2006 at 09:33:52 PM

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How's this for prediction...

Bush is going to start talking about changing the Course! OOOOHHHH!

I wonder if they'll try labelling anyone who disagrees with George Bush's surrender to the terrorists plan in Iraq a true AMerican Patriot.

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indie616

Oct. 14, 2006 at 09:51:19 AM

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The commercial which you refer to, AA, is from the Kurds. They are an autonomous group who Saddam had no control over after the first gulf war. And the commercial says "from Kurdistan" They don't think of themselves as "northern Iraqi's."

Wolfowiz said the Iraqi oil would pay for the reconstruction. Period. Don't revise history. The Bush estimates of the war costs were terribly wrong or misleading;

In September (2002), (Budget Director) Daniels disputed an estimate by Bush economic adviser Larry Lindsey -- who has since left the White House -- that war with Iraq could cost $200 billion.

Daniels said he believes Lindsey's estimate was "the upper end of a hypothetical," Duffy said.

[link:www.cnn.com]

You might remember that Lindsey was fired not long after his prediction.

Technically, the "war" could be called over. However, if it is over, how come Bush et al say we have to win it? Did the Bushies tell us the war will be over, but the occupation will last years and years? I see this week the Pentagon has plans to keep US troop levels at 140,000 until 2010. Did they suggest that it would be difficult, or should the American people have figured out that our troops being showered with sweets and flowers was code for mortars and IED's.

What Rice said was "No one could have imagined that people would fly planes into buildings" Hell, they didn't have to imagine it. It was a known plot, and the US intelligence agencies and other gamed the scenerio. Her statement was a flat out lie.
No, Bush and others didn't know the time or day. But they had "hair on fire" warnings and didn't even have their terrorism group-headed by Cheney-meet until AFTER 9-11. They demoted the anti-terrorism group (Richard Clarke) from a cabinet level position to deputy cabinet level.
Why do you think that Bush sat on that chair, in the Florida classroom with that look on his face on 9-11? He knew, at that moment, that he didn't do enough.

But here is the thing that drives me the craziest. Bush says that if the Generals want more troops they will get them. It is the big lie that he repeats over and over and over. Yet, generals who were in Iraq have testified, under oath, that they asked for more troops and were refused. Paul Bremer said he wanted more troops and was denied.

I am really tired of you and others saying that those of us who oppose this war at this point are hurting the effort. AA, if Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld wanted to win this war they would have sent enough troops. They would have had a post war plan. They would have seen that an insurgency was beginning and quelled it immediately, not dismissed is as a bunch of dead-enders. They would change the course, not stubbornly stick to this awful plan that is killing Iraqi's and American kids at a terrible rate.

You watch.James Baker, who the president has hired as a consultant, is going to come up a plan that is going to be almost exactly like the Murtha plan. The White House will cleverly give it some fancy name and call it victory.

And you will fall for the marketing ploy.

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